Hitting the Wall

When I hear the words “Hitting the Wall”, it sounds like Ben Folds singing “Missing the War”. You could say I hit my first wall; I don’t really like to admit that I hit a wall but I did. I’m still in the middle of getting through it but I definitely fell flat into the wall yesterday.

Yesterday was my scheduled training run; it was also the longest run for the span of 14 weeks. It’s the first set of repeats where the running is more than the walking. I had gone to the park because all the trails are open now and it gives me a glimpse of running a road race where there is little inclines spread throughout the path. Monday I had run in the park and I logged 3.6 miles and with running & walking I was at a pace of 16’19” for the 1^st mile, 16’30” the 2^nd mile, and 17’21 the 3^rd mile. My legs felt like lead but I did two loops of the park.

Yesterday, I had been thinking about the long running time all day, it’s actually the workout I’ve been most scared of when I took an overview of the entire program. So mentally it’s a bit of a challenge for me. It’s the workout that when I get through it, I will know that the rest of the workouts are possible.

I started out on my run. It was cold & dreary but I loved running in that during my training in September & November. I made it through one full loop of the park. I was getting side stitches, my left shin was throbbing. I stopped to stretch my side out once and then stopped to try and stretch my shin out. I started walking after stretching out my shin and then the timer instructed me to “run now”. I tried. It hurt. Mentally I couldn’t fight that hurt.

I had been fighting all week mentally to not do something that makes me happy. I know that sounds stupid but I was trying to protect my heart. I felt so defeated after I stopped my run. I was having all of these thoughts rush through my head. EAT PIZZA was the first one. Then, eat ICE CREAM. Shovel food into your mouth, not for flavor but for gorging. Destroy your hard work, was the overarching theme. Drinking to excess & smoking also came to mind. I didn’t want to be thinking these things but they take over when I feel defeated. So, I stopped denying myself what I wanted. I called 3 people and sent an email from my phone saying I needed support.

The simple & silly conversation I had, the quick and dirty pep talk on my Facebook comments, the loving voicemail I was left, and the great shop talk evening phone call. It all gives a little spark to the soul and that’s what I need.

What I also came away with from all my conversations is that I am the one who sets my goals. Not other people. So what if I’m approaching death at the end of boilermaker? Die trying right? Also, I’ve got to find a sports medicine specialist, preferably one who is also an endurance athlete.  I’ve got something working in my left shin that I need to have someone look at.

My mini goals:

1.       See sports medicine specialist

2.       Count my stride rate – only focus on that

3.       Throw in one day of cross training a week.