Life starts today, how are you going to live it?

"Life starts today, how are you going to live it?"

It was a simple statement and question asked to me by my mentor.  I picked out some music to listen to while I think about it. http://8tracks.com/worriedwarrior/april-hath-put-a-spirit-of-youth-in-everything

When you know what you want. What you really want, what drives you, gives breath to your spirit. I guess it should be this scary. If it wasn’t then it wouldn’t be worth doing.  I have survived and succeeded through a very difficult life so far. All of the things that I could have imagined being terrible have crossed my path. Why not go after what I really want?

I want a city life, filled with music in the background instead of television. I want good lighting in my apartment and a comfortable chair that I can actually read in. Posters & prints in professional frames. I want an office of my own at work, with a door and a wall to hold my three diplomas. I want students, actual physical students. Young adults who will plop themselves in my office and cause me to not get my work done for the afternoon. I want to be frustrated by it, work way past dinner, and then go home to an understanding partner who reminds me that I have life outside of work. I want to be the girl with a put together outfit and comfortable dress shoes. I want Sunday mornings with walks at the farmers market, organic fresh roasted coffee, egg sandwiches, fresh cut flowers, and sunshine. I want a college campus where I can see theater productions year round, a community that has a few outlets for theater that I can get involved with; A place where local art can be described through music, theater, food, bars and book readings. I want my apartment to be in the metro arts area. I would love it if it was a historical preservation of an industrial warehouse.  I want a claw foot tub and a hexagon mosaic tile floor (white with black grout), and a galley chefs kitchen with gas burners. I want my work life community to intertwine with my personal life but not destroy it. I want to give presentations, trainings, lectures. I want to share the skills and things I have learned. I want to be a soul protector for those younger people going through a rough time. I want to be tired from work because I spent the day thinking very hard, or running to several meetings, or placing signage up with loops of blue painters tape. I want there to be work days when I didn’t have time to turn on the computer. I want the excuse once a year to have radio’s and use radio lingo. I want to gain the want, skills, abilities, and responsibility of being the Director of an orientation program. I want to travel, convince my friends to meet me in an unfamiliar city for 4 days. I want to write and do something with my poetry and personal essays. I want to be a storyteller as a form of entertainment.

My mentor, she said “Now the hard work begins - you need to take action and change what you don't like!”

I don’t like my 45 minute daily commute. I don’t like the fact that I’m in a job that isn’t challenging. I don’t like not having student interaction (via distance or f2f). I don’t like shared living space. I don’t like twin beds. I don’t like that I can’t use public transportation.  I don’t like that life stops at 9pm. I don’t like that I feel I have to change myself to participate in various circles of friends. I don’t like that I’m looked at as a butch woman in this area, instead of just me.  I don’t like the limitations in dating here.  I don’t like that participating in local arts, equals a 30 minute commute. I don’t like not having a trader joes, fresh market, whole foods, that is an easy trip to stop on the way home.  I don’t like winter. I don’t like stalling on my applications. I don’t like feeling like my life and actions are dependent on others.  I don’t like the doubt others can easily place in my head. I don’t like limitations.

She said “Have faith that deep down you know what you want out of life.  Risk a little so you can succeed.”

I think I am ready to take a risk.