Keep moving forward

Oh remember that plan to bike during my off time, yeah that didn’t really go as planned. I did dance at rehearsal and that for me is staying active.

I got my professional inserts the other afternoon and I have been prescribed five days of “powerwalking” before I can run on them. I looked at him and said “what if I have a race in say 18 days …is that doable?” He looked at me and smiled and said yes but that I might have some hotspots on my feet and to bring some duct tape. I will also be tea soaking the feet I think to try and build up some toughness. 

I want to run. I’ve got too much angst building up inside and I just need to zone out, to focus on one thing to distract me from another. 

I’m trying not to compartmentalize and trying to just be in the moment and not worry about everything that is filtering around me. I want to keep fighting for my dreams but my current life around me keeps getting easier and easier and more stable.  It’s a problem that most people dream of. I’ve even dreamed of it.

I read a quote this morning. “If you're torn between staying and going, go. If you were meant to stay, you wouldn't be thinking about going.” - Cecily Morgan

I want to run. Not run towards, not run away from. Just run. 

As The Boilermaker approaches some things have fallen into place. Friends have helped me secure a hotel room closer to Utica so I won’t be waking up at 4am to drive there. I’ll get to check out the race expo on Saturday. My running Yoda will be in close proximity. I’ll see my soul friend for the first time in almost five years (has it really been that long?) My champ for the past 5 months will be there cheering & smiling and my brother will be there dealing with my stress & short temper. 

While The Boilermaker isn’t the end of my season, it’s a testament and while it will be a bitter-sweet day, I’m starting to process through it all and try to keep moving forward.

The edge of improbable

Sunday I took a trip with a friend to go watch one of her friends run the Lake Placid Half Marathon.  While it was a good day for running it was a cold and sometimes wet day for spectators. This was the first time since all of my running where I went to go watch a race. The crowd of runner’s looked smaller than the crowds of 4,000 – 9,000 runners I’ve been seeing at my races. I had run a 5K the day before so my leg was stiff but I was jumpy, I wanted to be running in the race. That is just crazy to me. 

My friend asked some questions about running while we walked to the start line. It was neat that I could answer some of them. A few people have been asking me some running questions. Most are about blisters, or how often I run, or why I got started. It was a nice day trip, I had a good time, but I was exhausted from the previous night and exhausted after driving us back home. I’ve been trying to catch up on sleep but it’s been on the edge of improbable. 

Today was physical therapy. Since the podiatrist said no running or impact exercises my therapist had to change our game plan. She watched me on the bike and on the elliptical machines to make sure I had correct placement and just told me to do a few stretches. She also wants me to get in the pool these next two weeks. So I’m going to have to either jump in my friend’s pool or buy a few guest passes for the YMCA.

My goal is to jump on the bike tonight but I’m hanging on by a thread. I’ve had over 60 ounces of caffeinated beverages today just to keep me awake at work. It’s crazy and I don’t like it but I’ve lost a lot of time today and I’ve forgotten things like the fact that I had already eaten breakfast at home but I picked up breakfast after therapy. I ate two breakfast sandwiches after just eating a bowl of cereal an hour or two before. Usually I also don’t have more coffee or soda than one 16 ounce cup in the morning. But within one hour of finishing 20 oz, I was getting another 20oz, and then I got another 20oz two hours later. 

I should be wired, jumpy, and fidgety but I’m not. I’m lethargic.  I don’t know if something is wrong. I’m keeping track of it along with my medicine just to see if it is that. I’m hoping it’s just that I’m tired, that my body is tired. This week is light on rehearsals so it’s an early to bed and late to rise type of week and I’m ok with that.

My personal Pride

This weekend I ran the Pride 5K in Washington Park with one of my greatest ally’s.  I don’t usually participate in Albany’s Pride events. I understand but don’t personally love being gay as a common commonality. It’s the same reason I don’t go to the St. Patrick’s Day parades. I’m Irish but it’s not a need for all Irish people to be in one place. The other reason I don’t like going is how Pride is associated with alcohol for a lot of my gay friends. So the fact that I could run a race with one of my closest friends (and the first person I ever came out to) was a good way to celebrate Pride. 

Saturday was rainy, hella rainy. I woke up and met my friend at her place and her boyfriend drove us to the race start. We got our numbers, took our race photos and stretched. We knew we’d run walk it, I knew my leg was tight and my foot might go numb. A bunch of people didn’t show up because of the rain but I was ok with that. It was nice running a race with 90 people compared to crowds of 9,000, 4,000, or 15,000. I started out in the back, I knew I was looking at least 47 minutes and I was ok with that. 

The rain tapered off and was misting when we started. My drunk cloud throwing up a rainbow was my Pride shirt for the day. It was cool and offered a nice day for running.  When we were approaching finishing our first mile I looked at my tracker. It was 13 minutes. I was running a 13 minute mile. I reached the end of the first lap just as the winner was crossing the finish line. The police car “woop woop” made me run a little faster. But we started our second loop and had to walk a bit of it. I was ok with that and so was my friend. We challenged ourselves with little distances to run and then we’d walk. 

When we got to the top of the hill where the finish approach was I tapped my application for my power song (yes I know I am corny) and I paced my running down the hill. I looked at my clock it was 39 minutes. I ran down the hill and into the chute. The clock said 41:33. That was a new personal record. It was even faster than my Turkey Trot run which was 44:57. 

I was elated with that time. It was a nice boost to have going into these next few weeks where I can’t run. So I’ll bike to keep my endurance up and stress off my leg, and there will be more dance rehearsals too. It’s going to be crazy but I think it will be good.

The motorcyclist’s wave

It’s the same non-verbal greeting. The head nod, the flick of a hand, seasoned saying hello to the newbie, newbie checking out how others “ride”. The specialty clothes, the road races, the packs.

The reason it’s so similar – if it was easy, everyone would do it.The secret is every can do it – it just takes work. That wave, nod, recognition is acknowledging someone's hard work.

The reward is in the freedom the ride (or run) creates. Motorcyclists have all their patch of expo’s that they’ve gone to; have war stories of breaking down in the middle of nowhere. Runners have race bibs, finisher’s medals, stories of blisters, injuries, races that they struggled through, sometimes didn’t finish.

I watched a new motorcycle rider today. I always watch female riders. Because she was wearing sneakers  I shouted out AT GATT (all the gear, all the time) but I still watched. One foot was flat to the ground at stops; distance left between her and the car in front of her when stopping wasn’t enough to escape a backend crash. Then I saw her actually ride, her balance wobbled back and forth and I couldn’t help but wonder if I did that too when I would ride. I know that I’ve been off a motorcycle for two seasons, so I’m sure I would be wobbly picking up the 750 again.

I watch other runners run, usually when driving past them, sometimes when they run past me or in front of me. Sometimes I see their stride in time with my music, other times I see foot flopping, and legs that kick out to the side. I usually wonder if I kick out to the side or what my particular runner's wobble looks like.

At physical therapy the other morning my therapist watched me run. It’s still the flexibility in my left foot that is making my leg & arch tired which leads to bad form peter.  I’ve got to work up my calf muscles and do lots of toe raises on the stairs to build up my calf to support the full forefront running. My right foot kicks off the way it should but my left foot tires out and doesn’t follow through it just flops & stops.

In other news, I finally beat week 6 of Couch to 10K. I’m moving onto week 7 on Saturday because my legs are really tight and I’ve got to spend some time stretching.  The longer runs of an hour plus my stretching before & after and making my workouts approach 1.5 hours. While it’s worth it there are times when right after work it doesn’t fit into my schedule. I’m just not read to do the early mornings yet. I know I will eventually have to in order to get used to early race times and to beat the heat. This weekend I am going over to Parish, NY. On the way home I may stop in Utica, I may actually stay overnight there. If I do, then I am going to try and run a little bit on the boilermaker race route, or try to drive the route so I can see it all.

Also, next week is my first race. I don’t have any other goals besides put the race bib on and cross the finish line, and look like a fool. I really have all those things accomplished already. It’s a night race next week so if people want to come out after work and cheer me on that would be awesome. Ya know, signs like “zombies are chasing you” – things like that motivate me. Zombieland rule #1: CARDIO.

Just a little bump.

I have a bump on my left leg. It has been there for a lengthy amount of time. It doesn't hurt but it does bulge a little when I exercise. Yes, I know this needs to be checked out by a doctor. In 42 days, i will be able to take care of that with a handy new health insurance card. This occured during my C25K training and I bought compression socks to help with circulation in my lower legs because everything that I was reading was pointing to a vascular issue.

Let me stress a few things; 1. it does not hurt, it just bulges. 2. if something hurts after you exercise and its painful not just sore - go to the damn doctor.

I also did not get to run yesterday. That's ok, I have flexibility written into my schedule. Yet, running tonight is a rough option because I have an invited preview of my show tonight. So being sweaty and tired is really not the greatest option. So I'll run on Wednesday and try to get my run in, shower and make it to Albany at a reasonable time for a bit of planned spontaneity. (it's how I roll kids)

I can't double up on Thursday because that's opening night of my show and then I'm back to an original schedule on Friday. I just make the shift in my Google calendar and make a mental note. I still biked 8 miles at a 3:45 pace, still felt good getting that bit of exercise in. It's just a little bump in the journey, just a little bump.

it was like hot yoga

The back room that I keep my recumbent bike in is not insulated very well. In the summer it is horrifically hot and in the winter it's bitterly cold. We have a gas fireplace in the back room to warm it up if we are out there for long periods of time. However, the fireplace does not have a thermostat. So right when you think it's the optimal temperature, kiss it goodbye and welcome a heatwave.

I knew this was the case so this morning I started the fireplace a lot sooner than my workout. I wanted to see if the heat would be like exercising in a hot yoga class. (I've never done hot yoga I've only heard stories from friends) It was something I had to struggle through during the first 20 minutes of my work out and then the last 10 minutes it was really enjoyable. I could feel the sweat in my elbows and could see it all along my arms. The true test of sweat was the amount deposited on the machine itself at the end of my work out.

Today I did the small hill climb program. It's 10 minutes long and I repeat it 3 times. At the highest point of resistance it has you there for 4 minutes, the hike uphill and downhill are tapered 3 minutes. Often when I am using the recumbent bike I will switch the program I am doing thinking it's like some form of great training. Usually, it is what do I think I can do today. There are several programs that still scare me and I really don't want to attempt the 100% target heart rate program again yet. Yet, I think equate intervals with speed and hill climbs with endurance and I watch my MPH & mile pace. I remained at my 4 minute mile which I am happy about and I usually am around 16.6 MPH

I'm sweaty, tired, and I can feel it in my lungs a little bit. All things I am OK with.

sleep deprivation

It is hard to exercise when you are tired. Throw in being tired and having a food coma, it is even harder.

I had a good friend come in to visit for a total of 24 hours, so I felt the need to jam pack those 24 hours with good times and little sleep. Morning came and I knew I wanted to go use the bike and get all excited about it and start the day.

In reality, I woke up, made coffee, woke my friend and lounged around all day until dinner. Normally, I'd feel some what OK with this lounging and skipping of the workout if several things had occurred.

1. if I had been 21 days into my routine
2. if we had gone out and walked some
3. if I didn't eat the dinner I ate.

We had a dinner filled with meats, meat and more meat along with fries, gravy & cheese. Not a healthy choice by far and I chalked it up to a friend being in town. Do I feel guilty about it all as I write? Yes, I definitely do.

This morning I tried to sleep in, to catch up on sleep but I had errands to run so my sleep schedule is still out of whack. I thought about getting on the bike tonight but I'm going to pass until the morning. While I want to get back up to 3 days a week, I'm OK with two times a week.

Online articles have said that you need 21 days to form a new habit. I am working on writing daily in my food journal. I feel like once I've got that habit down again, I can get back to being disciplined with my 3 days a week.

Am I worried, yes. I get worried that I will give up, that many people who read this right now will think its all a New Years Resolution that I'll be ready to break. But today while I was visiting with friends who asked if I was still running I replied to them that March 1st I'll start my training again for The Boilermaker.

I made a goal. I've set training plans. I'm telling people so I can remain accountable. But I'm human and sleep deprivation is my worst enemy.

back in the saddle

this morning I knew I wanted to get back to exercising. I bought a recumbent indoor bike about 3 years ago when I was first diagnosed with health problems. For a person of size the recumbent bike is just so much easier. Your back doesn't hurt as much, you feel sturdier, it's easy to see the readout and it's low impact on your knees.

Before I started running, I biked in my back room 3 days per week and started out doing the interval program on my bike. I would bike for 30 minutes and each minute the resistance would go up & down for me. When I first started my mile distance was about 5 minutes. Then as I worked out I got my time down to 3:30 for a mile. Jumping back on the bike today I wasn't sure what I would be able to achieve. Although just the other day I heard the words "you can't loose fitness in a month" I still was unsure of how I would do.

So the curtains were drawn on our sliding glass doors (cause I don't like my family to watch), I turned the gas stove on in the back room (because there is no heat in the back room), and I popped my headphones on and started.

It was a lot easier than I thought and I wasn't concentrating on my time or my distance, I just wanted to keep a good pace, break a sweat, and just feel OK. After the first 3 minutes passed I looked down at my distance. I was close to the mile mark. It took me 4 minutes to hit a mile but then I decided I wanted to keep that pace. 26 minutes later, i hit 8 miles.

I got off the bike, felt a little light headed but that's cause I did not properly cool down. I was just excited that I made it through 30 minutes and wasn't overly winded or hurting. I could feel the muscles in my legs firing and I knew that it was a good thing.

I like working out in the morning because then I don't need coffee or tea. It just sets the day right. I know, it sounds nerdy & impossible and believe me I have days when I push my workout to the evening or even the next day. Still, it makes me feel good and when I put the exercise in my food journal well, I get to have more food to still hit my intake for the day. Sometimes that means more chicken, more greens, but tonight is the first night of rehearsal so it will probably equal out to one beer.

A month off

It seems like forever since my last run. Truth is, it has been forever. After the Turkey Trot I went into full performance mode for the show that I was in. Singing & dancing two times a day was wiping me out and I had no energy to run. I was still getting exercise from performing in the show so I felt healthy. After the show ended on December 13th and I could finally rest, my body just broke down.

I was training for the trot, on antibiotics for a sinus infection, finishing up my Master's web portfolio & presentation, two papers for my last semester of classes, and singing & dancing two times a day. Why wouldn't my body just breakdown? So I just rested.

Then the holidays came along with super cold weather. I have asthma and the cold weather just tightens my lungs right up. Financially, I can't afford a gym membership (until I get this new job) and well I was just in a funk.

Just before New Years Eve I took a look at all the races I wanted to run this spring season. Trying to figure out what my no turning back point was for training. March 1st, 2011 is when I need to start my running training back up. Yet, I know I can bike indoors until that time and when you start having dreams about working out and you wake up missing your weekly workouts...well it's a little strange.

Now, let me set something straight for you the reader. I'm not a health nut. I'm not an athlete. I am however stubborn, extremely stubborn. If there is something I want to do, I find a way to do it. I made a committment to myself in 2009 and I have been working to get healthy ever since. I'm human though and there are times when I slip, when I get set back. The holidays had me gaining two pounds again and the struggle to get back to "clean living" where we don't have sweets in the house or I have one drink has been hard.

But I am back to writing down food in my food journal and tomorrow I will jump back on the bike. I've cut down my caffeine intake and asked my family to not purchase sweets for the next two weeks. It's tough. I guess that is why I am working on this project.

Yes, getting healthy is tough. So if I can share what I am doing and what is working, if I can motivate others to try the things I'm trying...well then what's the harm of a little blogging.