Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Keep moving forward

Oh remember that plan to bike during my off time, yeah that didn’t really go as planned. I did dance at rehearsal and that for me is staying active.

I got my professional inserts the other afternoon and I have been prescribed five days of “powerwalking” before I can run on them. I looked at him and said “what if I have a race in say 18 days …is that doable?” He looked at me and smiled and said yes but that I might have some hotspots on my feet and to bring some duct tape. I will also be tea soaking the feet I think to try and build up some toughness. 

I want to run. I’ve got too much angst building up inside and I just need to zone out, to focus on one thing to distract me from another. 

I’m trying not to compartmentalize and trying to just be in the moment and not worry about everything that is filtering around me. I want to keep fighting for my dreams but my current life around me keeps getting easier and easier and more stable.  It’s a problem that most people dream of. I’ve even dreamed of it.

I read a quote this morning. If you're torn between staying and going, go. If you were meant to stay, you wouldn't be thinking about going.” - Cecily Morgan

I want to run. Not run towards, not run away from. Just run. 

As The Boilermaker approaches some things have fallen into place. Friends have helped me secure a hotel room closer to Utica so I won’t be waking up at 4am to drive there. I’ll get to check out the race expo on Saturday. My running Yoda will be in close proximity. I’ll see my soul friend for the first time in almost five years (has it really been that long?) My champ for the past 5 months will be there cheering & smiling and my brother will be there dealing with my stress & short temper. 

While The Boilermaker isn’t the end of my season, it’s a testament and while it will be a bitter-sweet day, I’m starting to process through it all and try to keep moving forward.

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