The BoF

Over the weekend I did something that I had always wanted to do. I was asked if I wanted to go on a little running road trip with my running friends and tackle The Bridge of Flowers (BoF) 10K, in Shelburne Falls, Massachusetts. Now, I know what you are thinking "Hollie, The Boilermaker is a running road trip." That it is, but the Boilermaker started out as a running trip with friends I had before I started running. When I joined BeRunning, I saw these groups of adults making friends and doing stuff outside of BeRunning. I was super jealous.

When I was asked if I wanted to go, I said yes instantly. I actually think I stopped listening to the rest of the race description. As the weeks crept up towards the race, I would ask how some of the hills we were running compared to the giant hill. The word "worse" kept being repeated. Still, I pressed on thinking, really how bad could it be?

This is the elevation

I looked at the course elevation profile. I don't know why it didn't register with me. Perhaps those little stick figure men running at the top of the hill had me in disbelief.

It was an early morning as we headed out of Albany at 5:30am to get to Shelburne Falls by 7:30am for the race at 9am. It was a lot of normal pre race jitters that were going through my head. I made the comment several times that I thought I would be finishing in dead last place. Prior to getting our packets I was given the option to see the "hill". I am glad I said no, because if I saw it, I doubt my mind would have battled it and I would have given up too soon.

There is this thing that happens prior to races (of all distances) - hardcore runners do a little warm up run. I have never done a warm up run. Why? Because I am usually tired after .5 miles, so doing that before having to run 6.2 miles seemed counter intuitive. However, I was peer pressured into a little warm up run of the beginning of the race route, which has an incline. Hollie is not great at hills but I trucked along giving it a shot.

I'm on the right in the purple, camel back guy passed me later.

The race started and as usual the distance between the pack and myself lengthens very quickly. We ran up the incline and it "looped" around a neighborhood in town. It was at this point that camelback guy passed me and I could hear the faithful sounds of the diesel ambulance truck. I went up around the corner and the ambulance went straight. When I approached them on the loop, I waved and shouted "come on boys!"

The race volunteers were really great and very supportive. As we ran back through town to approach the hill, my name was shouted out from the announcer. I was last place and my name was still shouted out (it's the little things I love) The day was hot and very humid. My asthma was sure to flare up at some point, so my inhaler was in my little silver pouch.

I made it to the beginning of the Crittenden Hill. I haven't been able to effectively describe this to anyone. Even the video I took does not describe it. The amount of curse words that come out of my mouth when talking about the hill give you the gist. There were several points in the hill that I just kept pumping my arms with the notion that my feet would indeed follow. I used my inhaler several times. I doubted myself, several times. My calves were burning. Each level of the hill was followed by an even more abusive section. For fit and fast runners, it seems like I'm making up how hard this hill was. However, I challenge any fast runner to strap on the amount of weight needed to make them the same weight as me and try to run up that damn hill.

When I got to the top of the hill I was relieved. Until, I realized how much strength it would take for me to run down the angle of the hill. It didn't feel as steep as the incline but it was much steeper than the Boilermaker hill. It was also dirt/trail terrain, something I'm not used to. The police car was right behind me the entire hill with his silent siren on.I was glad I couldn't hear him but still aware that there was someone driving less than 3mph to make sure I finished the race.

I had to use my quads more in the last 3 miles of the race. My calves were so tired and heavy. My intervals were all way off base. We had to run on grass for part of the race (i don't like running on grass). There was one point of the race where I got to see Kim running towards me. It was after the hill, so I'm sure she was relieved to see I had made it through that.

Kim, Jenika, & Me

I kept saying, it's only 3 miles, a total of 6.2 miles, you ran 7 last weekend, why is this so hard? At this point, cars were let back on the race route. Some were nice and honked and shouted support, others flew by me very close to the orange cones. Race volunteers were applauding me and shouting out things like "I'm so glad you are running this race!" or "I wouldn't have even made it up the hill, I'm proud of you!" I kept checking my watch to see how many miles I had left. Somewhere around the last .5 mile I just stopped doing my intervals and I ran slowly.

I was coming back into town and I could see the Iron Bridge I ran over earlier. People who had finished the  race a long time ago and their race supporters just stopped and started clapping for me. This cause a surge of clapping to start at the finish line. I rounded the corner and there was the orange and the green! Jenika and Kim met me on the bridge and started to run me in. Then somewhere I found enough energy to pick it up to the finish line. The announcer fully shouting my name the entire time. It was like I was the first place finisher!

I crossed the finish at 1:45:10 - For me, that was an awesome time. My regular 10K time is around 1:35:00 so that damn hill only added 10 minutes.

We took a little time after the race and walked over the actual Bridge of Flowers. It's an old railroad bridge that the town decided to plant trees and flowers on. While we walked on the bridge people congratulated me by name. Like a miniature celebrity, I said thank you and smiled at them. Not going to lie, it was a really cool thing.

Actual view from the Bridge of Flowers

After the race, both Kim and Jenika were dedicated to running The Bridge of Flowers again next year. I could not make the commitment out loud yet. However, I fear it will be similar to The Boilermaker. How I sign up for it again but have no idea why and I curse at myself halfway through the race.

It was the toughest race I've ever run. For me it was tougher than the Boilermaker. Still, I finished it. The trip was worth it in so many ways.

Maybe I changed my tune

This past Sunday I ran my Fall Frun Run 10K race that I had been training for with the BeRunning group. While I went into running and training with a group open minded I found that I struggled with the process. Sometimes it was hard because of my speed, I ran with the same people week in and week out. I got to know them but I didn't get to know the whole group. (In actuality, it's a really interesting study in group dynamics because we never really went through Tuckman's theory of development.)

I'm an introvert, so until I know you and feel safe/comfortable around you I really don't show my personality. Which means, when we wait in a group at the beginning and end of runs, well I become an awkward 12 year old kid. So that also means I try to find the fastest route out of the awkward situation.

So I was going into Sunday's run with a shaky leg, the mentor I ran with the most was down in NYC supporting another BeRunner in the NYC Marathon, and everyone was faster than I was. Wicked faster than I was. I had the fear of coming in last inside my head.

Left and right we kept being asked if we were nervous. I responded each time, yes. I was nervous. Inside I knew that I didn't give it everything I could have in my training, that I had a few setbacks physically, that mentally I've been all over the place. I voiced my fear of coming in last and being slow to Jenika, a fellow participant. She assured me I'd be great and said she'd come back out to find me after she finished as long as I agreed to do the same for her if I finished before her. That made me smile. We both knew she'd finish first but she just kept trying to stay positive with me.

As a group we gathered and Fantastic George led us in a cheer to get us excited. It got us a lot of glances, which was neat because people were wondering who our group was. George said it would happen, but sometimes I let my skeptic win out.

I lined up with the other runners from our group and once again, taking the voice of Ed Tse in my head (and in my face!) "let's hang out to the side and let everyone else start". Then keeping the voice of Joel Tse in my head, I picked out a target for a "kill" (i know that doesn't sound nice but it's meant with love)

It didn't take very long for the entire group of runners to be way off in the distance to me. We hit a shady patch of the course running out to the road and i thought, maybe I didn't have enough layers on, or maybe next time bring your gloves. I use a GymBoss timer to give me my intervals. I was doing 7 minutes running & 1 minute walking. My legs were so heavy that the first mile made me feel like death. My left shin and ankle were tightening, I started to get worried. I was running and it was painful. I kept hearing Marey's voice telling me to relax from toe to crown, kept hearing Kerry tell me to slow down and keep my shoulders loose.

As I approached 1.5 miles I made my move. Purple hat & orange shirt had been in front of me. I knew that I was currently in last place. I knew that I needed to pick it up in order to get past them. I thought we might play "tag" like I did with the women in the Great Pumpkin but I passed them, chalked two kills internally and then went back to my leg.

I had passed the first mile clock around 13:50 which is pretty damn good for me. However, it also let me know I was running faster than my regular pace and that I had planed for a 15/16 min per mile pace. So I slowed it down and tried to relax while walking. When I got to the mile two clock Marey was manning the station. She asked how I was feeling, reminded me to relax and I kept on trucking.

Around mile 2.5 (i think) was our first hill. Now, I knew there would be a hill there. It wasn't super steep it was just longer than I expected. I ran a bit of it but then had to walk. Dorothea's voice was in my ear telling me not to be stubborn & prideful and just accept the walk uphill. The rolling hills after the big hill, well those sucked balls too, but I kept my arms pumping and kept looking back making sure I was putting some distance between me and purple hat.

When I saw the mile 4 clock, it felt good to know I was on track to sustain 1 hour 36 minutes as my 10K PR time. I did the math, I thought I'd make it and have a slight chance to even beat it. Mile 5 left me feeling cold, we were getting back in shady parts, there were more cars on the road, the runners who have finished the race in 40 minutes are now running the reverse race route doing their additional run workout (which makes you want to trip them, I'm not going to lie to you)

leave no BeRunner behind

I started the journey back onto Shenedahowa's campus, I had forgotten that we had to run across a field. Just as I was not feeling the field I heard "YOU GOT THIS HOLLIE!" over a megaphone. It was coming from Fantastic George. I ran closer and saw Marey. I saw Jenika's orange hat, Jessie & Latticia, I heard Ed's voice. They all came back to run me in. I was loosing my breath at that point. The cold air was wrecking my lungs, burning with each breath.  Ed told me he was a zombie chasing me, Letticia started singing the U.S. States song, they all just kept me going.

A runnin rhino all the way to the end

We got onto the track and started the last bit of the run. My brother ran up on the side and started running with us as a group. Letticia knew what my 10K goal was, she kept giving me updates. Ed told me to push until i didn't think i could push anymore and that I could pass out after the finish line. Next Letticia told me I had 30 seconds to get to the finish to make my goal.

I started sprinting. I honestly have no idea where the energy came from. It hurt, i'm not going to lie. My lungs burnt and I was ready to cry but no one was taking my goal away from me, myself included.

Both sides of the finish line

George P. Kansas and I

As I started to sprint I could hear the group running with me start shouting & cheering and I was running to an even bigger group waiting for me cheering and jumping. I crossed the finish line at 1:35:55 (with the Ed Tse voice inside telling me yeah I did even better cause of my NET time!) I crossed the finish line and went right into hugs, high fives, and photos. I set a new 10K PR (personal record) of 1:35:29




I finally got it. I finally understood group running. I had asked a lot of friends to come out to the race and see me finish. Honestly, who wants to wake up early to watch someone finish a race right at the end? My fellow group of BeRunning runners do. They wanted to support me and they wanted to see me succeed on my own level of success. Not once did any of them tell me I shouldn't run a 10K, or that I was too slow. They just kept telling me that I could.

So to answer the doubts that I had when I told myself that I paid money to have someone remind me to run, that's not what you paid for Hollie. You paid for an opportunity to be introduced to some amazing people who showed you that runners come in every shape, size and speed.

So maybe I changed my tune and you know what? I feel FANTASTIC GEORGE!

mini breakout

i've been absent. it's going to happen from time to time. While this blog is a project and it's something I know a few people look forward to reading, at times well i've just got nothing to say.

I was home from work Thursday & Friday due to some sickness. I really do think it was all of the overwhelming events that occurred last week that my body just told me to slow down. Since it's not second nature to listen to my body, it had to get a little sick in order for me to listen. I slept a lot and drank a lot of Gatorade.

Saturday I was feeling better and I had a party I was throwing at the house so I needed to get back into the swing of social life. I got up that morning and laced up my new running shoes and decided to go for my run. Week 6 of the Couch to 10K program is kicking my butt. I've had to repeat each run at least twice to actually make it through. Now that I am paying attention to the timing of my foot falls well my little heart and my little lungs are saying "hold on, we need to catch up to your legs." So my distance traveled has shrunk and my stomach and vomit tolerance are being pushed. (I haven't tossed cookies yet but it's been almost at least twice)

Also because my shoes were new I got a little blister from where my sock & orthopedic insert met. So today while at work I am one sock & shoe on, one sock & shoe off. I've got a run this evening and then I'm meeting up with good souls to learn what the Fall musical for Homemade Theater is.

It's also going to potentially be the first time anyone uses the random shower room that is in my office building.

So that's all I've got today kids because I'm hanging on and hanging in there.

The Long Haul

I think why I run, is to remind myself of how good I am.

I know, this sounds cocky. What I mean by it is, running is hard and at times painful but somehow I find the way to fight through it.

I hopped on the treadmill last night after a very long day of over thinking. I set the playlist and started the warm up. I was thrilled with only fifty-two minutes compared to Saturday’s Sixty-three minutes. I tested out some new stretches before starting and had found the most fantastic compression short that helps with the chafing issue. I rocked my blue headband, blasted a whole lot more Ke$ha than one should really ever own, and I started my work out.

The way the treadmill is set up in the back room allows you to look out of the window a bit. I try not to look down at the timer while I’m running inside because outside I never get to see how much time is left; I just trust the announcement that is made through my headphones.

Each work out runs the same way, five minute warm up then right into running for my allotted time, into walking/recovery, back into running again. The application counts down how many times it repeats and I can see a 4 out of 8 right underneath walk or run. So I know how many repeats I have left. The first two times of running are fine, the next two I’m often trying something new with form or speed, then the 4-6 repeats are the toughest. The ones where my asthma is very close to kicking in, where my shin decides to become tight, where my stomach decides to revolt from the stress of the day, or where my shoulder gets really annoyed at the movement.  In other words, it gets really difficult.

I often have this dead gaze while I’m running. Any member of my varsity volleyball team could describe the look. They also could describe the anger grunts that would follow my serve. These things come out while working on a hard part of my run. The grunts come out, the dead gaze is staring at the colorform’s craft decals my mother decorates windows with.  Often a squirrel is shouted at in my head.  At least once I tell myself to quit and get off the treadmill. It is always at least once.

Last night fighting through all the thoughts in my head throughout the whole day, while being on the treadmill having your legs feel exhausted because you are pushing yourself. Well, it reminded me that I can do the long haul, that I’ve always been able to do the long haul. A few of my friends reminded me of that last night through some great emails.

So I know it’s not going to get better instantly but I know I’m good for the long haul.

In with the good air...

In with the good air...out with the bad.

The thing that I find rather funny about running is how much consentration it takes for me. There is often a checklist of things I need to remember for my run to feel successful.

• Blue compression socks
• Tying my left shoe differently than my right
• Slight lean forward from the ankles
• General upright posture
• Keep your shoulders relaxed
• Eyes forward
• Exhale on your left foot.

That last one might sound a little odd but it's the key to happiness in my run. When I run, if I exhale constantly when my right foot is hitting pavement I will always get a side stich. It is my least favorite thing that can occur. Normally I have to stop, take a moment, press into my diaphram and stretch out the side - then I have to be consious of my speed.

Besides remembering to stretch, remembering to breathe on a certain rhythm is a difficult transition for me. In general most of my life I have been told to focus in on my breathing. I've tried meditation, tried Tai Chi, tried to focus while singing. They say stress can slowly melt away if you breathe easier and relax. For years those things were a mystery to me.

The other evening I could not get to sleep. I'd like to say it was just the change in daylight savings time, or the large brownie I ate, or the fact that my mind was completely somewhere else. I was anxious and I couldn't get to sleep. At about 1am I finally broke down and put on Rod Stryker's Relax Into Greatness. (My aunt, who teaches yoga had sent me a copy of the CD right after my accident.) I took a couple Formula 303's, started the CD and got myself into a state of relaxation.

The begining of the long session (50 minutes compared to the short session of 30 minutes) gets you to focus on diaphram breathing. Placing your hand on your diaphram and being consious of the sound and movement that occurs. As your breathing becomes more relaxed the sound lessens and the movement is natural. You walk through each muscle group, noticing it but not consentrating on it, and then loop back through them in reverse order. You also think of a mantra to say, something positive that you want to reinforce. I repeated "you are beautiful" - it's intersting to me because it stuck, I swelled with happiness and felt it all come in with each breath.

I know it sounds corney. I know it. Yet, I finally fell alseep. I felt relaxed, content and happy.

From human to hardcore

When I started running back in September I wasn’t documenting my pitfalls. I was just letting my running application send notifications to Facebook and twitter that I completed another day in the couch to 5K training plan. Sometimes people would comment on my Facebook with words of encouragement or by talking of how they wished they could do something like that as well and that I made it seem easy. I often replied that I never told people about the crap involved with my training to run.

I made the decision this time to document my trials and tribulations. Let me be the first one to say that last night’s run was hard. It was hard for several reasons. I had a timeline of getting my run in, showering, and making it to an event. I was running a new route because the park roads were crappy the last time I ran there.  I was running in direct traffic.  I was running into the wind, I hit a puddle in my last ten minutes and had a cold and wet foot.  I had some shin stiffness and cursed myself for forgetting my compression socks.

I tag my runs on Nike +, it asks how you felt. Yesterday was a so-so tagged run. Running into the wind in the already cold air was difficult; difficult to keep motivation, difficult to keep paying attention to cars, difficult to avoid slush and puddles. It was hard on my lungs too. At the beginning of each week, when you increase the time you run compared to the time you walk, well for my asthma riddled lungs it rejects the increase in use.  I will phlegm up, spit more, and then I hear myself cough and wheeze for the next day until I have to return to running again. It’s not attractive.

Last night my plans shifted a bit but I still met some people out for a social engagement. As we sat down for dinner I felt my legs deaden, I knew after sitting for an hour it would be difficult to move around again.  I was passing out by 9pm and excusing myself from my company to then drive 45 minutes home and just take some Aleve and pass out.

Today my legs are heavy. My left knee has a bit of residual pain. My long term goal is what is replenishing my motivation because at times I let the idea of “a 15K is crazy” enter my mind last night.  So I have doubts too, I just have a history that tells me to push through my doubts and to endure the pain.  I’m just human trying to head to hardcore.

Cold Weather Comforts

As I sit here and type it is pouring freezing rain outside. I’m not a complainer but I am a worrywart. See tomorrow beings my running training schedule. I thought by now I’d have my first paycheck, I’d be able to get a gym membership, a day pass, or run outside. I am still bringing everything with me to run outside tomorrow, however I am trying to find my motivation.

Tomorrow I will wake up drive to Saratoga, work, run, drive to Albany, get changed into my costume, have rehearsal, then drive to Rotterdam and completely fall asleep. When I first made March 1st my start date I didn’t have a second staged reading. I didn’t have a job either, so these things weren’t in my mind. Now I have both and I am seeking a way to recommit myself to my goal.

I get nervous every time I think about the boilermaker. I still know I can do it, or I believe I can do it with a little bit of doubt mixed in there too. I was the same way when I started out my training for the first 5k. I got excited half way through, felt great on days with a cold wet run, and found a focus.

Now I am looking out the window, reminiscent of the cold from walking into work, the wetness of having a hole in the sole of your shoe and one other big thing.

My asthma.

It’s been there my entire life and I’ve never controlled it well. I hyperventilated a lot during JV & Varsity volleyball but only on sprint suicides and long ladder runs. I was a smoker in college & grad school so I damaged my lungs even more. Now, it’s just the cold weather that kicks it up. While ice skating this weekend I found myself wheezing afterwards, not from exertion but just from the cold.

It makes me nervous for tomorrow. While it is supposed to be sunny it will still be around 33-35 degrees out when I go for a run. I’ll have to wrap a scarf around because I didn’t find a sports facemask that I liked. I’ll also be dodging some large puddles in the park and may have to switch my route around due to what areas are plowed.

None the less I still need to run. I’ve got 13 weeks of 10K training, and then I’ll have a month to add on the last 5K’s worth of distance that I’ll need to add. This goal is bigger, is harder, and is scarier. It’s a challenge. I just have to find my courage.