Monday, July 30, 2012

Death would come off the line...

I am now deep within training. It's the point where it is tough, both physically and mentally. I said to Jenika the other morning that it's kind of crazy because before I used to prep for 10K distances. You know, make sure I was hydrated, that my legs were rested, that my nutrition was spot on. Now, every Saturday I'm running at least a 10K. Yes, I said at least. Most of the time it is more. This weekend it is 7 miles, which will take me about/almost 2 hours to complete. It is the point at which my legs deadened at the Boilermaker. It is the mileage that I need to have a game plan for.

I have reached a point where I have to get serious.

Now, most of my friends would say "Hollie, you are serious and have been serious." To that notion, I say thanks. But in reality I have not been serious because all of it has been manageable so far. Running the distances I need to run the rest of my training requires a lot of work and sacrifice. What do I mean by that?

The individuals in my training group know that Friday nights are a no go out night for most of us, or it's a need to be in bed by 10pm type of evening. However, most of my friends don't get it or don't understand. Statements like, "oh you can run later in the afternoon" or "you've been running enough" or "you're always running" haunt me and my connections with my friends.

I can't do all the things I used to do and expect performance. I have to eat cleaner and stay hydrated from now until October. That is a challenge. Today is even tough because I'm meeting a friend for happy hour. I want to be able to have two beers or two bourbons but I know that I can. I'm not saying I can't have them. It's just hard to think two bourbons is 200 empty calories or two Guinness's is 260 empty calories. I could have two skinless grilled chicken breasts, or a giant (16oz) mean green juice.

When I lived with my parents, we had a bargain. I'd live rent free if I would plan and cook the weeks meals. I spent some time looking at clean eating. There were a bunch of things I loved making. My parent's kitchen is huge and had enough room for me to do everything. My apartment is small, and I have little counter space. I know I need to do something soon. I need to have a lot of things prepped and ready.

Sunday, I got to go out and run with some friends. I needed to make up my 6 miles I missed with my group this week. I had to walk the last two miles because my knee was acting up. I'm pretty sure it's my IT band because my right hip is super tight and it's the outer side of my knee. I ended up looking at movies to watch on my Amazon Prime account and I saw I could rent Hood to Coast and then I saw Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. I clicked on Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and sat down to watch it.

It is something that I can't explain when a doctor tells you that you are going to die if you don't change. The words Morbidly Obese. While I've been loosing weight, I'm still classified as Morbidly Obese. Morbid as in death. Watching the gentleman in the movie who is over 400lbs be told his BMI and classification was difficult. I remember being in the same place. I could do pills, shakes, supplements, surgery. I have read all the items about surgery and there was a time when I contemplated it. However, it is not an option for me. It is something I don't want.

In the movie they talk about juice fasts and while that is not something I want to do, I did like the fact that all your fruits and vegetables could be juiced and drank. That IS something I am interested in. In the movie you see the gentleman's progression over 10 months. It is a nice reminder of will power, dedication, and the decision to change. It makes me think about getting a juicer, again not for a fast but as an addition to my current plan. My lose it! app tells me with just caloric shift alone that by March 2013 I would get to my goal weight of around 180lbs. That would have me at just overweight. Death would come off the line and I would continue to work at it.

That IS what I want. So I've got to make peace with my decisions, my shifts and changes in my life, my friendships, my time because my life is worth it.


  1. Just need to comment one more time and tell you that I really enjoy your blog....

    I know we are at different points in our training, but I really relate to so many of the feelings and experiences you describe. This running thing is difficult... but worth it.

    Anyway, keep writing!

  2. I watched that movie and went right out and bought a juicer. You're a fighter, I'm glad you're fighting for it.