Out of commission

I was supposed to run Friday, Sunday and tomorrow. However, I am seven full days of rest from running. I also go to the sports medicine physician tomorrow so we’ll see what happens.

So I've got a thing for Nigella.

On Saturday I felt the urge to run, the want to run. I was all angsty inside and wanted to get it out, running usually helps that. So it’s hard to not run. I found myself looking for things to keep myself busy. Big Bro and I went out to Barnes & Noble and I picked up a few magazines. Normally, it’s gay themed or cooking magazines. This time it was two running and one Nigella Lawson on a cover of a gay themed magazine that got my attention. 

It was so strange but really cool that I felt happy and content reading these magazines.  I never think of myself as a runner but it’s slowly starting to change. The fact I’m following the Boston Marathon on Twitter today too, proves I’m a bit nerdy.

New Shoes!

Sunday, Big Bro & I checked out the Adirondack Summer Sport & Fitness Expo in Saratoga. He got fit for orthotics and I ended up walking around, finally testing out some Vibram 5 fingers shoes, and falling in love with a bamboo t-shirt from Hooked Productions that was not available in a large at the expo. I put on the 5 fingers and they felt weird at first, then I walked in them a bit, they felt better. They were 50% off cause it was the last day of the expo and they were trying to lighten their load. So I ended up buying my pair for 45 dollars.

While Big Bro was getting fit, the guy from The Mountain Goat was talking about anterior compartment syndrome, everything he was saying sounded like what was going on in my shin. While I still need to go to the doctor tomorrow, it was an interesting conversation. The guy said sometimes the doctors recommend cutting the sheath so the muscle has more room but he talked about how that just creates more scar tissue. Big Bro bought a tool that makes it easier to roll out pressure on various limbs and such. When I rolled it over my shin, calf & thigh it was a release of pressure & pain that felt good and painful at the same time.

So I am keeping my fingers crossed about tomorrows appointment, that maybe it’s just a bit of sports massage that is needed and nothing too serious that will take me out.

Compromise

This weekend was all about compromise. There were times when it worked in my favor and times when it worked against me. The prior week’s had been rough and I was looking forward to spending time over the weekend with several groups of friends reconnecting and recommitting to my friendships.

Sunday morning I woke up, hopped on the treadmill and pulled out my longest training session to date.  It was a full 68 minutes.  I’m working up to next week’s 78 minute training session.  It was a nice run. My legs didn’t feel like lead as they had on Friday. I had to slow my pace down a bit towards the end of my run but I kept going. I must also admit that with my gallivanting around on Saturday I smoked about four cigarettes. I knew this would kill my lungs on Sunday but I crave hurtful things when I am drinking. (it’s a weakness I’m working on) Each day this weekend I had a drink, which is a lot for me. Friday night I had too much to drink, and the rest of the weekend my hydration suffered. Saturday I had a small beer, and Sunday I ran to earn that Bloody Mary at brunch.

At Sunday brunch I pulled out my calendar to make some dates with the newly formed brunch club and I was surprised by my April and how much I’ve got going on. Some comments were made during this weekend's events that were welcomed (like Hollie’s circle of friends runs very wide and you’d be surprised who she’s connected to.) and other comments that were not welcomed – that I sat with in the evening hours.

I spent time this weekend doing things I love. I shared many of meals with friends, watched movies with my brother, drank some very needed (and strong) Margarita’s, and I drove around in the sunshine singing show tunes. I felt good.

A while ago I had given myself permission. Permission to compromise my heart until I felt my obligations were fulfilled, I know this sounds vague.  Well, I had that last moment this weekend. It was terribly hard and I am glad that I am busy the month of April.

So now the only compromise I’ll make is to which thing I love more. Not which will make someone else happier instead of me. I’m going to take April for myself and we’ll see how this goes.

Caffeine Withdrawal

It is always my great downfall. I can control my food addictions, control my alcohol issues, I've kicked the smoking habit, recreational relaxants are far and few in between. Yet coffee & soda are my kryptonite.

I have one to two 8oz cups of coffee in the morning currently, and then I might have a tea around 3pm at work. We've forgone soda at the house for dinner time so I'm drinking water, tea, juice, the champagne of beers, or something that does not have caffeine in it.

Well, the other day I went crazy. I was having dinner with friends and my one friend owns a store where there is soda. She told me to take two if I wanted. I was like a kid in a candy store. (the fact was that I was an adult in an actual candy store but soda was more appealing than sugar) So diet coke & diet dr. pepper came along for the evening.

It was a binge moment. Carrying the Dr. Pepper it was my life-line. Telling me, exhaustion is no option for you young lady. You can carry on with my help. It was telling me lies. LIES.

So yesterday & today have been withdrawal days again. Going back to limited coffee intake, no soda at work, only tea in the afternoon, and no caffeinated soda at dinner (I had some diet root beer) On the way home from work my head was pounding. I can't be sure if it's sinus pressure from the storm, eye strain from 8 hours of computer work, stress causing my headache disorder to comeback, or caffeine withdrawal. Because the pain was (is) really bad I stopped at Dunkin Donuts and got a medium coffee, with the hope of by the time I got home the caffeine would kick in.

It hasn't and my headache is still prevalent. I wanted to get some thoughts down about it, about how I struggle with it, how it's hard to quit you. It sounds corny that I'm worried about this. It's just my way of keeping the variables down if I have to go back into the doctors to try to figure out why my headaches never stop. Right now I don't have to go and I want to do everything in my control to make sure I won't have to again.