Today Tiny Buddha hit me with three articles that struck right to the core of what I have been thinking and feeling lately.
How to Free Yourself from the Cycle of Social Fear
Learning to Stop Clinging to People: Know That You Are Loved
All of this however has been taking it's toll on me. I'm on the verge of getting the sickness everyone else had last week. I'm "living on a latte and a prayer" (that whole song is really how I feel currently) . I'm fighting my inner demons left and right. Fighting the fear that success is something I can't handle.
All through training I knew what my priorities were. Run, eat healthy, stay hydrated. My social life struggled, my theater world put on hold, work was a necessary evil. I like that life. It is hard to admit that. Now that I have to start to bring things & friendships back into my life, it's just fucking hard.
I had to run from work to a read through rehearsal last night. I had 20 minutes to get food and eat it. Like an addict to its dealer, I went right to McDonald's. I always talked to my running friends about a theater lifestyle, how different they are. Now, I'm facing trying to have all three things at the same time. My healthy life choices, success at work, and a vivid theater life. It is terrifying. Its also doing all this and trying to reach out to my core group of friends, instead of depending on just one or two people. I'm exhausted and I don't have a break until next Thursday evening.
I'll run a 5K tomorrow. Tomorrow marks the 13th day. I know it's not the smartest way to come back but it's my favorite local race. I might be even slower than usual, or I might have to walk more of it than I want but that's what happens when you are coming back into the fold. It's also Kathy's first 5K, so I'm super excited for her. It's nice to have that perspective.
As my friend told me. Deep Breath, PB & J, Letterman, repeat. I'm throwing in Chocolate Milk in there for good measure too. I guess I'm training for Life now. Boy, I thought a half marathon was tough.